Our community has been shaken by the recent mass shooting in Allen. Collin County is not only where our business is located, but where many of our therapists and staff make their home. We share in the grief and mourning for all of the victims and those impacted by this devastating act of violence – one that is becoming all too commonplace in communities across the country.
Like us, you may be struggling with questions about how and why such a horrible thing could happen, and you may never find satisfactory answers to these questions. Your mind may be working overtime to make sense of the mass violence and to find a sense of safety. You may also be worrying about your loved ones and community. The heaviness of the event can be felt in many ways: emotionally, spiritually and physically.
Events such as the recent mass shooting in our community can be both directly and indirectly traumatizing. People may be indirectly traumatized by fearing for the life of a loved one at the scene, watching news updates and images on television and social media, hearing stories of others’ experiences of the shooting. Your response to the traumatic shooting may vary greatly depending on whether you experienced the trauma directly or indirectly. Regardless of how you experienced this trauma, you likely felt feelings of fear, helplessness and hopelessness that exceeded your typical coping skills.
It is normal to experience a variety of emotions after a traumatic incident. The feelings may include shock, numbness, fear, anxiety, helplessness, sadness, anger, disillusionment and grief. You may want to avoid thinking about or talking about the incident. You may experience any of the following: sleeping difficulties, flashbacks, intense memories, changes in appetite, physical symptoms (headaches, stomach aches, dizziness), wanting to be close to friends and family or difficulty being with others, feeling like beliefs and values have shifted, feeling as if life is short. You may even feel guilty for surviving the tragedy or not doing more to help. These feelings and symptoms are common, but over time, the support of family and friends can lessen the emotional impact of the trauma and changes will seem more manageable.
Below we have listed ways in which trauma can present in children, teens and adults in addition to what is listed above, as well as tips for managing the distress caused by the trauma.
Children (preschool to age 11)
Kids may exhibit the following: developmental regression (bedwetting, separating anxiety, baby talk), crying, worrying about safety, fearing that another shooting will happen, worrying about caregivers, heightened startle response, sleeping difficulties, clinging to caregivers, anxiety, loss of interest in usual activities, stomach aches, headaches, nightmares, school performance problems, inability to concentrate, and anger/aggression.
Tips for Helping Children to Manage their Distress:
- Provide factual, age-appropriate information about the shooting in a calm manner
- Continue to provide a safe, stable home environment, a place of refuge
- Allow time and space for children to talk about their fears, worries and difficulties if they are able to articulate their experience. Sit with them, validating their emotions without trying to convince them that they shouldn’t be scared, sad or anxious For example, you may say, “You seem scared to leave my side. It’s OK to feel that way, and I’m here with you now. You are safe right now. Take your time and you will know when you are ready to join your friends.” If your kids are uncomfortable sharing their emotions, encourage them to make a “worry box” that they can decorate and write down and put their worries into.
- When needed, provide reassurance that the child is safe at home and in this moment; provide details on what actions you, the school, daycare, etc. are doing to keep the child safe
- Keep a normal routine as best as possible (i.e. chores, school, bed time) so that your children know what to expect and have a sense of familiarity and stability
- Do not punish children for regressive behavior (this is a symptom of their anxiety and stress)
- Provide opportunities for children to connect with their friends and other loved ones and to engage in activities that they enjoy
- Spend some extra time with children at bedtime – they might even ask you to sleep in their room to feel safe
For Adolescents/Teens (ages 12-18)
Teens and adolescents may experience the following: worrying about safety, fearing that another shooting will happen, feelings of fear and anxiety, sleeping difficulties, depression, tearfulness, anxiety, loss of interest in usual activities, social withdrawal, stomach aches, headaches, nightmares, school performance and attendance problems, inability to concentrate, inability to get rid of thoughts or images or memories of the event, anger/wanting revenge, rebellious activities, self-destructive behaviors (substance use or risk-taking behaviors), lack of focus on the future, worrying about the safety of family and friends
Tips for Helping Adolescents to Manage their Distress:
- Allow space and time for teens to talk about their thoughts, fears and other emotions without pressuring them to do so. Start the conversation and let them know you are there to listen when they are ready. Listen for misinformation and gently correct it. Validate their experience without trying to convince them that they shouldn’t be feeling unsafe or scared. Keep your body calm while they talk about their big emotions, letting them know it’s okay to feel this way and you can handle it. Encourage your teen to journal, write or create art about their experiences if they are uncomfortable talking about the emotions and fears.
- Limit TV and social media time to decrease exposure to excessive information about the shooting that can be re-traumatizing
- Keep home a safe place with a typical schedule and routine
- Reassure them that they are safe right now in this moment and discuss what actions you, the school or the community is taking to increase safety
- Check in often, letting them know you are there for them as you monitor their coping.
- Coordinate with their school if they are experiencing difficulty concentrating or completing tasks
- Encourage time with friends and family, engaging in activities that are enjoyable and distracting
For Adults
Adults may experience worrying about the safety of themselves and their children, fearing that another shooting will happen, feelings of generalized fear and anxiety, sleeping difficulties, depression, tearfulness, loss of interest in usual activities, social withdrawal, stomach aches, headaches, nightmares, inability to get rid of thoughts or images or memories of the event, work performance and attendance problems, inability to concentrate, anger/wanting revenge, self-destructive behaviors (substance use or risk-taking behaviors), lack of focus on the future coupled with reactive behavior
Tips for Adults to Manage their Distress:
- Take time for self-care: breathing, meditation, prayer, a long shower or bath, exercise, spending time with family, friends and loved ones
- Take a social media and news break. Use this time instead to connect to people, pets or nature that can help you restore and heal
- Talk about your emotions with another trusted adult
- Continue with a typical routine and schedule
- Check in with others going through this trauma. The simple act of you noticing them can provide healing to them and you.
- Give yourself grace, knowing that you will not perform at your “typical” level while your mind and body recover from the tragedy. Give the same grace to your family, co-workers and friends.
- Connect with others.
- Empower yourself. Speak with trusted friends, leaders of faith, others in the community that are interested in promoting change for safety and health. This can provide a sense of meaning to your experience. Empower your kids to engage in similar conversations and activities.
*Seek professional help if you or your children are experiencing suicidal ideation, thoughts of harming self or others, thoughts/plans of revenge, or a continuation of the previously stated symptoms for an extended period. If symptoms persist beyond four to six weeks without any relief or abating, seek the help of a licensed mental health professional.
Resources:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Call (800) 273-8255, or use Chat with Lifeline at https://988lifeline.org/chat/
Disaster Distress Helpline, Call or text (800) 985-5990 (For Spanish, press “2”) to be connected to a trained counselor 24/7/365
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network https://www.nctsn.org
*If your teen is interested in a local support group, please contact our office at contact@mindfuljourneydfw.com