Three P’s for Managing Back to School Anxiety
written by Carrie Cravens, M.S., LCSW
Do you remember your first day of middle school? Most of us would probably rather forget. I cringe anytime I see a picture of my awkward years ̶ braces and permed 90s hair and all.
This coming academic year is a big one in our house, with two kids beginning middle school and one moving from a Freshman Center to the monstrous high school. Oh yeah, and it’s happening in the middle of a pandemic. If there is one thing that’s spreading in our house, it’s not COVID (thankfully), it’s anxiety.
My family is not alone in this feeling and it’s not particular to students transitioning to a new school. Almost all children have not stepped foot into a school in nearly 6 months! That is unreal! And most of them will be starting the year online, with no new school orientations, no “Meet the Teacher” nights, and no idea what to expect for the next 9 months. No matter what the age or grade, my bet is that most homes are experiencing some level of “back to school anxiety.”
So what can we, as parents, do to help our children? How do we calm the nerves and gently push them to the computer or to the classroom – while maybe even dealing with our own worries? We can’t take away the pandemic, we can’t promise that things will go back to “normal,” and we can’t pretend to know how they are feeling. There are some things we can do, however, to help the school year be a positive experience.
Over the past few weeks I have been talking with my clients about this burgeoning anxiety as school gets closer, and together we have come up with our own list of “The 3 Ps of Back to School.”
1. Practice: This is especially important for kids who will be doing virtual school. If the child is not familiar with Zoom or whatever online platform will be used, practice using the technology with your child before the first day of school, so they are comfortable with the technology. Do Zoom calls together from different rooms in the house and work through possible questions and technical difficulties. Practice finding documents in whatever apps and programs they will be required to use throughout the school year. For those returning to a classroom, practice wearing a mask around the house for extended amounts of time, so they are used to it before classes resume.
2. Plan: Have a plan ready to go. Whether you are starting school online or in person, having a plan in place before the first day can relieve some anxiety. If your child will be doing school virtually while a parent is working, devise a plan for what they will do if they have technical difficulties. Who will they call for help or what will they try on their own before interrupting mom or dad’s work day? If they will go into the classroom at a new school, plan where they are most comfortable sitting if allowed to choose their own seat. Especially for older kids entering a new school, plan to meet friends at specific locations in the school at the beginning and end of the day and before lunch. Get a map of the school online and work together to draw out routes to classes if not allowed to go into the building beforehand for an orientation.
3. Prepare: Prepare your child for challenges. Prepare for technical difficulties that could result in missing instruction or potential school closings that require a shift from in-person to virtual learning. Prepare them emotionally as well. Practice deep belly breaths or getting up and walking around to take a break when frustration sets in. Prepare them that things will go wrong, as it is expected in a year with so much change. When this happens, preparation can help keep their emotions in check.
The most important thing we can do for our kids right now is genuinely listen to their concerns and fears and help them be confidently prepared. We do not have to have the answers (because many answers are not available right now), but sometimes just sitting with your child and letting them talk can be the best medicine.
Whether your child is returning to a familiar school or beginning the year out at a new school, one thing remains true: THIS IS NEW TO EVERYONE! We are all facing unknowns and uncertainties in some way or another, and it’s up to the adults in our children’s lives to provide positivity, support, grace, and encouragement that will be needed for a successful school year.
Best wishes for a fabulous 2020-2021 school year!
Carrie Cravens, M.S., LCSW