Do you feel like the carpet has been pulled out from under your feet? Do you feel like you are living in the Twilight Zone right now? Is your anxiety a little higher than you are used too? What about the fears that come along with attempting to educate your children at home? Times are so different right now. There are so many things that are out of our control and so many questions that cannot be answered. With all of the uncertainty, there are ways we can decrease our anxiety and fears and feel a small amount of control during this trying time. Effective control is an enemy of anxiety. Here are a few tips and tricks to establishing effective control.
- Structure is a way we can establish control. What does our day look like? Do you have at least 3 or 4 things that happen around the same time everyday? They can be very simple things like snack time for your kids, family dinner time, family TV time, bed time, or even family game time. Choose 3 or 4 things your family can count on. It makes us feel safe when there are a few things in our day that we can predict and rely on.
- Realistic expectations are important. Are you expecting yourself to cook three meals a day? Are you thinking your house has to be picked up and clean every second of the day? Maybe that is too much. Pick a few things your children can grab out of the fridge and make themselves. Ask your children to help you cook. Some people love to cook homemade meals, some cringe at the idea. Do what feels comfortable. Now is not the time to become a professional chef if it was never in your “toolbox” before. Schedule a certain time of day when the whole family helps with a “15 minute clean up” and call it a day.
- Choose a certain time that “distance learning” will start and end at your house. If your children are not done working when it is time to stop, give them a few more minutes and then have them STOP!! Our children are stressed, worried and anxious about so many things right now, school should not be one of them. Any of your child’s teachers will tell you the same thing. Our Green teachers are working so hard to make this process as smooth as possible, but we are all experiencing a learning curve. This is not the time for perfectionism, so if you notice your child is aiming for that, support them by insisting that they take care of themselves by having realistic expectations with schoolwork right now.
- Take time for yourself and by yourself. Our typical day, before the Coronavirus hit, probably allowed us to have at least an hour to ourselves a day. It might have been a commute to work or time at night after the kids go to sleep. Most of us do not have that time anymore. It is so important to have time alone. This is time for us to take a deep breath, collect our thoughts and practice self-care. Plan a time, each day, to take a walk, lift weights, practice yoga, take a bath, read your favorite book, or anything that is just for yourself. We are better parents, spouses, friends, and coworkers when we engage in self-care. Our children mimic our level of anxiety. If we are not taking steps to decrease our own anxiety, our children cannot be expected to decrease theirs. Right now is a wonderful time to model self-care for our children.
- Stay socially connected. There have been so many creative ways people have stayed connected. Take advantage of them. Understanding that others are also struggling validates our feelings. Talking to a friend who is having a good day can also build hope. Reach out to family, friends and co-workers. We need each other right now.
The name of the game is to have realistic expectations, decrease the things that cause anxiety and increase the things we can effectively control. This is different for every family. Love on each other, take an extra nap, sleep in a little more or build an epic Lego tower. We will all get through this challenge & we will be stronger when it is all over. If you have additional questions or feel that you need added support, please reach out to us. WWW.MindfulJourneyCounselingandWellness.com
Be well,
Jamie Jaubert, M.A., LPC-S